Adam sighs a little bit, with a half-smile. "I am...getting used to crazy things in the world, let's say that." He looks up, then. "And you'll have to coordinate that with Ben, who's been pushing for the exact same thing for months now...but...sure, sometime." Annnnnd, okay, so 'sure, sometime' is the exact same thing he's been telling Ben, but...he really means it this time?
He looks down, then. Honestly? He's been trying not to think about it, which he knows isn't healthy, but...he doesn't want to think about it. So he's been pushing himself and distracting himself and...is probably pushing himself a lot closer to the edge than he realizes or even shows. He rubs the back of his neck, leaving his hand there for a long time after he stops rubbing, and stares at the floor. "That's a hard question," he says eventually. "Nothing is totally good, or bad, and I have a lot of things now that I didn't have then, and a lot of...well, people that I had then but I don't have now...and...I don't know, exactly. I mean...that's a hard thing to put on somebody, isn't it? Could I look Ben in the eyes and tell him 'I'd rather have my mom back than you?' I know for a fact he'd understand, but...god damn, if I don't want to retch at the thought. Or tell my mom that I'd rather go meet my boyfriend than have her in my life? Hell no, I couldn't do that." Hell, sometimes it feels wrong to move without her there. They were that close. He...shrugs again, one shouldered, and looks off. Almost like he's searching the place for a window to look through. "I...once was promised. In exchange for doing something else. That they'd resurrect my mom alongside of me." Guilt and admission, there, although what he's guilty for, he couldn't say. "That...never happened, obviously. I did the thing. But it never happened."
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He looks down, then. Honestly? He's been trying not to think about it, which he knows isn't healthy, but...he doesn't want to think about it. So he's been pushing himself and distracting himself and...is probably pushing himself a lot closer to the edge than he realizes or even shows. He rubs the back of his neck, leaving his hand there for a long time after he stops rubbing, and stares at the floor. "That's a hard question," he says eventually. "Nothing is totally good, or bad, and I have a lot of things now that I didn't have then, and a lot of...well, people that I had then but I don't have now...and...I don't know, exactly. I mean...that's a hard thing to put on somebody, isn't it? Could I look Ben in the eyes and tell him 'I'd rather have my mom back than you?' I know for a fact he'd understand, but...god damn, if I don't want to retch at the thought. Or tell my mom that I'd rather go meet my boyfriend than have her in my life? Hell no, I couldn't do that." Hell, sometimes it feels wrong to move without her there. They were that close. He...shrugs again, one shouldered, and looks off. Almost like he's searching the place for a window to look through. "I...once was promised. In exchange for doing something else. That they'd resurrect my mom alongside of me." Guilt and admission, there, although what he's guilty for, he couldn't say. "That...never happened, obviously. I did the thing. But it never happened."