Leo is quiet for a long time. Long enough that he finishes his smoke and lights another one. There's a lot to take in and he knows he should be focusing on the rest of it -especially the part about Grimm and how they're enabling Leo- but there's a white hot flash of anger that flares through him at Adam's last words and it's enough that Leo stands and leaves the room.
When he's in the kitchen, he pours himself another drink and finishes it in one swallow, immediately pouring himself another one. He breathes through the anger because it's very apparent that it'll get him nowhere right now and he doesn't want Adam to think he's mad at him when it isn't like that at all.
Once he's calmed down enough, he takes his drink and the cigarette butt that he's been holding onto and returns to the lounge.
"Sorry." He drops back onto the couch, cigarette butt dropping into the ashtray and sipping at his scotch. "Turns out, I care about you a bit more than I realised. I'm still learning how to identify different emotions for what they are. I just needed a minute to get my head in order."
Leo's quiet for another long moment. "I work for a horrible organisation that pays me to do terrible things to awful people. I enjoy that work. I know that what I do isn't okay, not by any moral standards. And I also know that how I deal with things isn't healthy. Knowing that won't change anything because the fact remains that I enjoy what I do. The fighting, at least. Truthfully, I feel nothing about the killing and I'm aware of what that says about me." He takes another sip of his drink. "I don't expect you to be okay with what I do. We don't ever have to speak about it again. But if you ask, I will always tell you the truth even if it's a truth you're not going to like. Whether we talk about it or not, this is what I do and I'm not changing that any time soon. That is the part you'll need to be okay with, if this friendship has any chance of working."
There's another beat and his voice has a gentle note that doesn't come out very often; mostly only around Travis or Juliette. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at the people who hurt you. That's why I had to leave the room. I thought you should know that."
One thing that Adam steadfastly refuses to admit is that he might not be okay, either, and when Leo stands up with that flash of anger, there's a snap of fear inside of him and things...go a little bit funny in his head for a few minutes.
And Leo's beside him, talking, and he has to fight to concentrate on the words rather than the tone. He nods, accepting it as well as he can...
And then Leo brings out that kind voice, and oddly enough, that on top of everything has him unable to breathe again, and he rocks a little bit back and forth, fingernails dug in under his ears, trying to find his breath--while at the same time, paradoxically, he's trying to act like there's nothing wrong. About thirty seconds later, he finally manages to suck in a breath--and it hurts--and he pats his shirt pocket, looking for his cigarettes. (He momentarily forgot that Leo took them. Whoops.)
"So...we're okay, then." A little hoarse, still rummaging around his pockets for his cigarettes. But meaning it.
Leo can see that Adam is struggling but he isn't sure if it's his own words or if it's something that Adam is remembering. He's made it abundantly clear that he's been through some horrible things, things Leo can both imagine and never even begin to and it's possible that the conversation has dragged them to the front of his mind. It's also likely that Adam suffers from some form of PTSD and none of this can be easy.
He wants to reach out and touch, but he doesn't. Instead, he offers his packet of smokes, making sure to put them right in Adam's reach, unsure if he's with it enough to see them just in his line of sight.
"We're okay." After a short moment, Leo stands and heads back into the kitchen for a bottle of water, one he presses into Adam's hand as soon as he returns. "We're okay. But are you? Drink."
Sometimes it's a combination of both. But he's not gone, exactly, he's just not tracking well, and he eventually figures out the cigarette pack when his hand touches it. He takes it with a mumbled something that's supposed to be thanks, takes one out, and takes a very long, peaceful minute just to light it, draw on it, and let it out. Draw...and let it out. Several more times, just concentrating on the cigarette, until he realizes Leo's back with water.
"Oh...thanks." Taking the water and downing half of it in one go. "I...think so." He's doing better. Just...a little embarrased, now.
Leo's quiet while Adam drinks the water, prompting him to finish the glass when he stops with a slow nod of acknowledgement to his words. There's concern sitting heavy in his stomach, their previous deep conversation forgotten in favour of prioritising making sure Adam is okay.
"We all have our issues, Adam. Things we have to deal with and things that catch up with us without us being aware they're coming. You're allowed to not be okay. Especially with... this topic of conversation."
"It's okay. I'm okay." Soft, but...uncomfortable opening up with it all the same. Just...wanting to be okay, and he will make himself be okay, dammit. But...drinking more water when he motions him to. He...nods. Taking that in, even if he doesn't want to talk about it.
Leo makes sure to give Adam his space. He doesn't touch and makes sure there's enough distance between them that Adam hopefully doesn't feel trapped. In all the years that he's worked for Grimm, Leo has seen different people react differently to their own personal issues and it's always safest to let them make the first move.
Adam nods, and then takes another swig of water. He racks his brain for something to say, leaving an awkward pause in the room, before, finally coming out with "So..your taco's okay?"
"Tacos were great, thank you." There's another beat and Leo reaches for his cigarettes once more, taking one and lighting it. "Coffee alright? Do you want another drink?"
"Oh! Yeah. Sorry. Forgot I had the pack. Thanks again." He gives it back. "Coffee's great, thank you! What kind is it, if you don't mind me asking?" He's still feeling...awkward, but he reaches to take it back from the side table and gesture with it before taking a sip. He's still got some. He puts it back, juggling cigarette, water bottle, coffee cup and what's left of his taco for a minute or so before looking back up at him. "No, that's plenty, thanks."
He breathes. And steadies himself just that little bit more. "So...I offered to answer any questions you might have?" He's okay. It just took him a minute to get there, promise.
"I believe I had that one imported from Italy. At least I think it was Italy. I'll send you home with some." Works well with a splash of whiskey, too." He takes a deep drag of his cigarette and kicks his feet back up onto the coffee table, relaxing back into the couch.
"We don't have to get into it now." A beat. "However, if you're offering, I'd really like to see this emo-status tattoo."
"Oh, wow. When I want fancy coffee, I hit the Starbucks on the way to the bus stop." He grins, shaking his head.
And he keeps smiling as he nods. He's okay to get into this. "Here." He slips his arm out of his jacket, pushes up his sleeve, and shows Leo something that looks like this on his left bicep.
"Is Starbucks really considered fancy coffee? I mean, if you get the right barista, it's fine. Maybe I've just had bad luck with them." He even manages not to pull a face at the mention of the bus stop; not out of judgement to Adam, but the idea of a bus stop in general.
Reaching out, Leo gently takes Adam's arm so he can look over the tattoo properly, turning his arm from one side to the other. "It's not as emo as I expected. And this prevents demon possession? Seems overly simple."
Adam ducks a grin. "Fancier than the Folgers I'd otherwise make before I go." Not laughing at that mostly unpulled face, he promises! He lets Leo take his arm. "Yeah. I'm not sure how it works, exactly, but I'm not going to argue." He looks at it with him, trying to see it for the first time, too.
"Well, now you'll have some of this. Beats Starbucks at least." Leo gives it one last look before letting go of his arm and sitting back once more. "Hey, whatever does the job, right?" He takes another drag off his cigarette and offers a smile.
He laughs! "That's true. Thank you." Adam shifts a little and rolls his sleeve back down. "Right. Oh-thank you." He says politely as he takes another cigarette. He peeks an eye up at Leo, wondering what the next question is going to be as he tries a little awkwardly--he's fairly new to this and he's never actually tried chainsmoking before--to light the new one off the butt of the old one.
sorry! I meant to tag yesterday but twd distracted me
Leo wants to ask all sorts of questions; demons are real and ghosts are real and angels are real and Leo's head is spinning with it all. But he's also wary of triggering Adam once more so he's going to give it time.
Instead he says; "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"
No worries! If you disappeared for a week, I might check & see if you're ok, but otherwise np XD
"Yeah. Yeah, sure." There's always time. Not everything has to be done at once. He stubs out his cigarette, finishes his taco, and gets to his feet, genuinely curious about the house.
Leo stands when Adam does and heads towards the stairs. There's plenty of rooms to show; guests rooms, a library, more bathrooms than one man really needs.
"Is there anything in particular you want to see? I can take you to the library or the games room?"
Adam's happy enough to follow along--although, yes, a bathroom might be a good idea sometime in the next hour or so--and he grins and shakes his head at Leo's question. "Whatever you want to show me...but boy are you going to be adorably disappointed when and if you come visit us.
He pauses. "Uh...not that my boyfriend's house is anything but nice. Because it is! I just...don't see it as anything on the scale you're used to."
"I'm sure it's very nice. If you're up for showing me, I'd like to see it. Presuming the boyfriend doesn't mind, of course." He leads the way straight to the library, passing by a handful of door on the way. Some are open, showing clean bathrooms and others a closed; those ones hide the guest rooms. "I don't live here all the time. Usually I live on a base with Travis and my team. I'm on a break at the moment, hence home."
"I'll check with him and get back to you," Adam replied, nodding. It's not always good to just assume he's going to be okay with things, yeah, although he's pretty sure he will. "Travis. That's your boyfriend, yeah?" He peers through all the open doors as they go by. "A base. That sounds...organized." He's grinning as they go.
"Of course." There's a few more stairs and Leo pushes open the door at the top of them, leading the way into the library. It's stocked full; long and large mahogany shelves stacked full with books and in the middle of it, there's two large arm chairs and a coffee table, that has a small cupboard in the bottom. "Yeah, that's him. And organised is a word for it."
"Oh, wow," Adam mutters to himself quietly as Leo leads them inside the room, his jaw dropping a little. He's never been a reader. Maybe he should start. ...Ben would never, ever leave this room, he knows that much. He'd find a way to sneak in food and then spend the rest of his live living in between the shelves, reading all these books. The sheer peace and quiet in here forcing his shoulders to relax, just a little. He almost misses what Leo says, there, he's so lost in thought. "Huh? Oh...good word or a bad word?" He laughs a little bit, trying to shake off some of the awe.
Leo leads them further into the room and drops down into one of the arm chairs, waving a hand around in invitation for Adam to look around at the library. "There's a little bit of everything, feel free to look around."
There's a foot stool in front tucked under his chair and he moves it so that he can throw his feet up onto it. "An accurate one. We're an organisation split into smaller units. Each unit has a different speciality and each member plays a different role. For example, I'm my team's muscle. We're Oz, as in the Wizard of. I'm the Cowardly Lion. Yes, I see the humour."
Edited (of course my paid account runs out the day before pay day! haha. thank god I can get my icons back tomorrow! :P) 2017-04-04 10:48 (UTC)
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clichecodename) wrote2020-12-29 11:20 am
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When he's in the kitchen, he pours himself another drink and finishes it in one swallow, immediately pouring himself another one. He breathes through the anger because it's very apparent that it'll get him nowhere right now and he doesn't want Adam to think he's mad at him when it isn't like that at all.
Once he's calmed down enough, he takes his drink and the cigarette butt that he's been holding onto and returns to the lounge.
"Sorry." He drops back onto the couch, cigarette butt dropping into the ashtray and sipping at his scotch. "Turns out, I care about you a bit more than I realised. I'm still learning how to identify different emotions for what they are. I just needed a minute to get my head in order."
Leo's quiet for another long moment. "I work for a horrible organisation that pays me to do terrible things to awful people. I enjoy that work. I know that what I do isn't okay, not by any moral standards. And I also know that how I deal with things isn't healthy. Knowing that won't change anything because the fact remains that I enjoy what I do. The fighting, at least. Truthfully, I feel nothing about the killing and I'm aware of what that says about me." He takes another sip of his drink. "I don't expect you to be okay with what I do. We don't ever have to speak about it again. But if you ask, I will always tell you the truth even if it's a truth you're not going to like. Whether we talk about it or not, this is what I do and I'm not changing that any time soon. That is the part you'll need to be okay with, if this friendship has any chance of working."
There's another beat and his voice has a gentle note that doesn't come out very often; mostly only around Travis or Juliette. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at the people who hurt you. That's why I had to leave the room. I thought you should know that."
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And Leo's beside him, talking, and he has to fight to concentrate on the words rather than the tone. He nods, accepting it as well as he can...
And then Leo brings out that kind voice, and oddly enough, that on top of everything has him unable to breathe again, and he rocks a little bit back and forth, fingernails dug in under his ears, trying to find his breath--while at the same time, paradoxically, he's trying to act like there's nothing wrong. About thirty seconds later, he finally manages to suck in a breath--and it hurts--and he pats his shirt pocket, looking for his cigarettes. (He momentarily forgot that Leo took them. Whoops.)
"So...we're okay, then." A little hoarse, still rummaging around his pockets for his cigarettes. But meaning it.
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He wants to reach out and touch, but he doesn't. Instead, he offers his packet of smokes, making sure to put them right in Adam's reach, unsure if he's with it enough to see them just in his line of sight.
"We're okay." After a short moment, Leo stands and heads back into the kitchen for a bottle of water, one he presses into Adam's hand as soon as he returns. "We're okay. But are you? Drink."
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"Oh...thanks." Taking the water and downing half of it in one go. "I...think so." He's doing better. Just...a little embarrased, now.
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"We all have our issues, Adam. Things we have to deal with and things that catch up with us without us being aware they're coming. You're allowed to not be okay. Especially with... this topic of conversation."
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"Okay."
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Adam nods, and then takes another swig of water. He racks his brain for something to say, leaving an awkward pause in the room, before, finally coming out with "So..your taco's okay?"
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He breathes. And steadies himself just that little bit more. "So...I offered to answer any questions you might have?" He's okay. It just took him a minute to get there, promise.
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"We don't have to get into it now." A beat. "However, if you're offering, I'd really like to see this emo-status tattoo."
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And he keeps smiling as he nods. He's okay to get into this. "Here." He slips his arm out of his jacket, pushes up his sleeve, and shows Leo something that looks like this on his left bicep.
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Reaching out, Leo gently takes Adam's arm so he can look over the tattoo properly, turning his arm from one side to the other. "It's not as emo as I expected. And this prevents demon possession? Seems overly simple."
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"Help yourself to another smoke, if you want it."
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sorry! I meant to tag yesterday but twd distracted me
Instead he says; "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"
No worries! If you disappeared for a week, I might check & see if you're ok, but otherwise np XD
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"Is there anything in particular you want to see? I can take you to the library or the games room?"
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He pauses. "Uh...not that my boyfriend's house is anything but nice. Because it is! I just...don't see it as anything on the scale you're used to."
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"I'm sure it's very nice. If you're up for showing me, I'd like to see it. Presuming the boyfriend doesn't mind, of course." He leads the way straight to the library, passing by a handful of door on the way. Some are open, showing clean bathrooms and others a closed; those ones hide the guest rooms. "I don't live here all the time. Usually I live on a base with Travis and my team. I'm on a break at the moment, hence home."
I have NO idea where the day went.
Always the way haha
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There's a foot stool in front tucked under his chair and he moves it so that he can throw his feet up onto it. "An accurate one. We're an organisation split into smaller units. Each unit has a different speciality and each member plays a different role. For example, I'm my team's muscle. We're Oz, as in the Wizard of. I'm the Cowardly Lion. Yes, I see the humour."
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Hi, you! :)
Hello! I'm just about to head to bed but I figured I could get a tag in first!
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Sorry this took so long. I haven't even logged Leo in in ages!
Oh my god, how did five months go by.