clichecodename | tfln overflow 2

Laughing again, Leo also shifts in his chair to look at Adam. "I always liked to fight, I was good at it and even though I was always shorter than everyone else, I had the bulk to make up the difference." He reaches for his pack of smokes, lighting one up and offering the packet to Adam. "I got into cage fighting and I was good. I was better than good. And then one night I just... lost it. Killed my opponent with my bare hands. I don't even remember most of it."

He exhales slowly, relaxing back in his seat and crossing his ankles, feet on the coffee table. "I was approached by someone who offered me a job in favour of the jail time I was facing for murder. I accepted. Been doing it ever since."

"Okay, I mean...wow." He breathes a laugh when Leo offers the cigarette, shakes his head at himself, and takes the unlit one he forgot about from behind his ear. Actually lights it this time. Breathes it in and releases it in a long breath through his nose. He's not used to...not-menthol, but it's good.

"I just..." He scratches his nose and looks at Leo a little sheepishly. "I got into a fight at school. Once. I was in fifth grade, I hit a kid, and spent like half an hour sitting there with him, apologizing and trying to get his nose to stop bleeding. And I felt so bad afterwards that I told the school nurse my stomach hurt so I could go home. That is the one fight I ever got myself into. And...I'm having trouble bridging the gap from my side of it to yours, I guess." He takes another drag, thinking. "What makes you want to fight like that?"

"I'm picturing a smaller version of you in a fight. You look the same, just kid sized. It's kind of amusing, to be honest." Leo takes a deep drag off his cigarette, thinking over the words he's abotto say next. This could be the difference between whether or not they continue communicating in any way and, despite the obvious differences, Leo likes he kid, enjoys the conversation. He likes having someone that isn't related to Grimm to talk to. Of course, he always has Travis, but Travis is a different story.

"According to the psych evaluation, I show symptoms of being both a sociopath and a psychopath. I have issues with anger control and tend to use rage as an outlet for feelings I'm unable to comprehend or express in a healthy manner. I apparently also display both sadistic and masochistic behavior. Basically, they think I'm violently crazy. Mostly I just like the adrenaline high from the fight." Taking anothing bite of his taco, Leo looks Adam square in the eye. "If you to be done with me, I'll understand. No hard feelings. It's a lot to deal with."

He laughs at the idea of what he thinks he must've looked like...and then sobers quickly, taking it all in. Then looks him in the eye drawing in on his cigarette one more time and releasing it. "Okay." He's not giving away much of what he's thinking right now. "That's certainly a diagnosis." He takes yet another drag; buying himself more time for thought. "I also notice that's a lot of what they think. What do you think?"

"Honestly?" He shrugs, finishing off his taco and dropping the wrapper back into the bag and reaching for his drink. "I think they're right about the psychopathic tendencies. I think they're right about the fact that I'm emotionally stunted, but emotions outside of fear and anger weren't something we expressed in my family home. I'm working on it. Mostly, I think I'm a man who likes hurting people and I'm not fussy about who that is. In fact, I kinda get off on it. Travis is the only exception to the rule."

Leo sighs. "Are you okay with that?"

He turns, then, to stub out his cigarette butt, and this is what goes through his head: How seriously to take this. How literally. Whether he is okay with this. Wondering, suddenly, about Leo's cheery profession of disinterest in material things while standing in his giant house full of material things--could he have been seeing what it took to get Adam to believe him instead of his own eyes? Or taking the cigarette out of his hands and replacing it with his own. He said it was because he didn't like menthol--no, Adam assumed it was because he didn't like menthol, and Leo went along with it. Why, then? Memories of Lucifer. Lots and lots of memories of Lucifer, actually, and he freezes for a very long minute halfway through rubbing his butt in the ashtray, frozen perfectly still, fighting to bring himself back to the present and to breathe, fucking BREATHE. When he finally gets his airway open again, he turns back.

"Okay. I'm--" His voice cracks, and he shuts his eyes, cursing himself internally. He takes a deep breath, orders himself, and tries again.

"Okay. I'm gonna take everything you've said at face value." He runs his hand through his hair and looks Leo straight in the eyes, now, voice reflecting nothing but calm. "Which is a pretty big assumption for somebody who says they've been officially diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, but I think as a friend you've earned the benefit of the doubt." Adam had a year in college before he was killed, and an Intro to Psych course was definitely in there--he'd heard the term before. And yes, he did just say friend.

"And I'm going to be totally honest with you in return." Looking and sounding intensely serious. "Someone who pulled you away from jail time and possibly a psych ward in order for you to kill for them? They're enabling your illness in order to use you, and I hope you realize that." He clasps his hands together with his index fingers pointed down, like he's pointing to something on the coffee table--he's not--and looks him straight in the eye.

"You want me to say I'm okay with that. --Okay, maybe you just want to know if I am. Either way." He brings his hands back to himself, clasped loosely, elbows resting on his knees. "I'm your friend, Leo. That's not going to change, I'll tell you that right now."

He shifts a little in his chair. "But as your friend, I'm going to tell you the full truth, and to do that, I'm not going to answer as your friend.

"Is it okay? Is it okay to continue to violently hurt other people for whatever reason, but in particular your stated reason as an outlet for your feelings; to make yourself feel better? Is that okay?

"I answer that question as a victim of rape and torture and abuse: no, that is not okay."

Leo is quiet for a long time. Long enough that he finishes his smoke and lights another one. There's a lot to take in and he knows he should be focusing on the rest of it -especially the part about Grimm and how they're enabling Leo- but there's a white hot flash of anger that flares through him at Adam's last words and it's enough that Leo stands and leaves the room.

When he's in the kitchen, he pours himself another drink and finishes it in one swallow, immediately pouring himself another one. He breathes through the anger because it's very apparent that it'll get him nowhere right now and he doesn't want Adam to think he's mad at him when it isn't like that at all.

Once he's calmed down enough, he takes his drink and the cigarette butt that he's been holding onto and returns to the lounge.

"Sorry." He drops back onto the couch, cigarette butt dropping into the ashtray and sipping at his scotch. "Turns out, I care about you a bit more than I realised. I'm still learning how to identify different emotions for what they are. I just needed a minute to get my head in order."

Leo's quiet for another long moment. "I work for a horrible organisation that pays me to do terrible things to awful people. I enjoy that work. I know that what I do isn't okay, not by any moral standards. And I also know that how I deal with things isn't healthy. Knowing that won't change anything because the fact remains that I enjoy what I do. The fighting, at least. Truthfully, I feel nothing about the killing and I'm aware of what that says about me." He takes another sip of his drink. "I don't expect you to be okay with what I do. We don't ever have to speak about it again. But if you ask, I will always tell you the truth even if it's a truth you're not going to like. Whether we talk about it or not, this is what I do and I'm not changing that any time soon. That is the part you'll need to be okay with, if this friendship has any chance of working."

There's another beat and his voice has a gentle note that doesn't come out very often; mostly only around Travis or Juliette. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at the people who hurt you. That's why I had to leave the room. I thought you should know that."

One thing that Adam steadfastly refuses to admit is that he might not be okay, either, and when Leo stands up with that flash of anger, there's a snap of fear inside of him and things...go a little bit funny in his head for a few minutes.

And Leo's beside him, talking, and he has to fight to concentrate on the words rather than the tone. He nods, accepting it as well as he can...

And then Leo brings out that kind voice, and oddly enough, that on top of everything has him unable to breathe again, and he rocks a little bit back and forth, fingernails dug in under his ears, trying to find his breath--while at the same time, paradoxically, he's trying to act like there's nothing wrong. About thirty seconds later, he finally manages to suck in a breath--and it hurts--and he pats his shirt pocket, looking for his cigarettes. (He momentarily forgot that Leo took them. Whoops.)

"So...we're okay, then." A little hoarse, still rummaging around his pockets for his cigarettes. But meaning it.

Leo can see that Adam is struggling but he isn't sure if it's his own words or if it's something that Adam is remembering. He's made it abundantly clear that he's been through some horrible things, things Leo can both imagine and never even begin to and it's possible that the conversation has dragged them to the front of his mind. It's also likely that Adam suffers from some form of PTSD and none of this can be easy.

He wants to reach out and touch, but he doesn't. Instead, he offers his packet of smokes, making sure to put them right in Adam's reach, unsure if he's with it enough to see them just in his line of sight.

"We're okay." After a short moment, Leo stands and heads back into the kitchen for a bottle of water, one he presses into Adam's hand as soon as he returns. "We're okay. But are you? Drink."

Sometimes it's a combination of both. But he's not gone, exactly, he's just not tracking well, and he eventually figures out the cigarette pack when his hand touches it. He takes it with a mumbled something that's supposed to be thanks, takes one out, and takes a very long, peaceful minute just to light it, draw on it, and let it out. Draw...and let it out. Several more times, just concentrating on the cigarette, until he realizes Leo's back with water.

"Oh...thanks." Taking the water and downing half of it in one go. "I...think so." He's doing better. Just...a little embarrased, now.

Leo's quiet while Adam drinks the water, prompting him to finish the glass when he stops with a slow nod of acknowledgement to his words. There's concern sitting heavy in his stomach, their previous deep conversation forgotten in favour of prioritising making sure Adam is okay.

"We all have our issues, Adam. Things we have to deal with and things that catch up with us without us being aware they're coming. You're allowed to not be okay. Especially with... this topic of conversation."

"It's okay. I'm okay." Soft, but...uncomfortable opening up with it all the same. Just...wanting to be okay, and he will make himself be okay, dammit. But...drinking more water when he motions him to. He...nods. Taking that in, even if he doesn't want to talk about it.

Leo makes sure to give Adam his space. He doesn't touch and makes sure there's enough distance between them that Adam hopefully doesn't feel trapped. In all the years that he's worked for Grimm, Leo has seen different people react differently to their own personal issues and it's always safest to let them make the first move.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Adam nods, and then takes another swig of water. He racks his brain for something to say, leaving an awkward pause in the room, before, finally coming out with "So..your taco's okay?"

"Tacos were great, thank you." There's another beat and Leo reaches for his cigarettes once more, taking one and lighting it. "Coffee alright? Do you want another drink?"

"Oh! Yeah. Sorry. Forgot I had the pack. Thanks again." He gives it back. "Coffee's great, thank you! What kind is it, if you don't mind me asking?" He's still feeling...awkward, but he reaches to take it back from the side table and gesture with it before taking a sip. He's still got some. He puts it back, juggling cigarette, water bottle, coffee cup and what's left of his taco for a minute or so before looking back up at him. "No, that's plenty, thanks."

He breathes. And steadies himself just that little bit more. "So...I offered to answer any questions you might have?" He's okay. It just took him a minute to get there, promise.

"I believe I had that one imported from Italy. At least I think it was Italy. I'll send you home with some." Works well with a splash of whiskey, too." He takes a deep drag of his cigarette and kicks his feet back up onto the coffee table, relaxing back into the couch.

"We don't have to get into it now." A beat. "However, if you're offering, I'd really like to see this emo-status tattoo."

"Oh, wow. When I want fancy coffee, I hit the Starbucks on the way to the bus stop." He grins, shaking his head.

And he keeps smiling as he nods. He's okay to get into this. "Here." He slips his arm out of his jacket, pushes up his sleeve, and shows Leo something that looks like this on his left bicep.

"Is Starbucks really considered fancy coffee? I mean, if you get the right barista, it's fine. Maybe I've just had bad luck with them." He even manages not to pull a face at the mention of the bus stop; not out of judgement to Adam, but the idea of a bus stop in general.

Reaching out, Leo gently takes Adam's arm so he can look over the tattoo properly, turning his arm from one side to the other. "It's not as emo as I expected. And this prevents demon possession? Seems overly simple."

Adam ducks a grin. "Fancier than the Folgers I'd otherwise make before I go." Not laughing at that mostly unpulled face, he promises! He lets Leo take his arm. "Yeah. I'm not sure how it works, exactly, but I'm not going to argue." He looks at it with him, trying to see it for the first time, too.

"Well, now you'll have some of this. Beats Starbucks at least." Leo gives it one last look before letting go of his arm and sitting back once more. "Hey, whatever does the job, right?" He takes another drag off his cigarette and offers a smile.

"Help yourself to another smoke, if you want it."

He laughs! "That's true. Thank you." Adam shifts a little and rolls his sleeve back down. "Right. Oh-thank you." He says politely as he takes another cigarette. He peeks an eye up at Leo, wondering what the next question is going to be as he tries a little awkwardly--he's fairly new to this and he's never actually tried chainsmoking before--to light the new one off the butt of the old one.

Leo wants to ask all sorts of questions; demons are real and ghosts are real and angels are real and Leo's head is spinning with it all. But he's also wary of triggering Adam once more so he's going to give it time.

Instead he says; "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." There's always time. Not everything has to be done at once. He stubs out his cigarette, finishes his taco, and gets to his feet, genuinely curious about the house.

Leo stands when Adam does and heads towards the stairs. There's plenty of rooms to show; guests rooms, a library, more bathrooms than one man really needs.

"Is there anything in particular you want to see? I can take you to the library or the games room?"

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sorry! I meant to tag yesterday but twd distracted me

No worries! If you disappeared for a week, I might check & see if you're ok, but otherwise np XD

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