Frowning, Leo turns to turn the coffee machine on and grab a mug down from the cabinet above his head. He has another glass of scotch that's sitting on the bench and a cigarette is burning away where it sits in an ashtray at the far end, away from the preparation area.
"How do you have it? Sugar, milk?"
Turning around, Leo nods. "Yeah, first house. I have four. The others don't look like this. They're much more reasonable."
"Sure." Meaning, both sugar and milk, although that might not be clear. "Is that okay?" He leans around to watch Leo pull down a mug, trying to figure out what that frown was for. --He laughs, though, and ducks a grin. "Leo, you are something else Something approaching admiration--and possibly even affection for his friend--in his voice.
"Easy." The coffee machine does it's thing and Leo adds sugar and milk before handing it over to Adam. The coffee is expensive -imported- and it tastes expensive because of course it does. He returns his attention to his cigarette but stands by the open window to keep the smoke away from Adam.
"If by something you mean 'incredibly wealthy man with absolutely no interest in stuff' then yeah. I'm something." Leo laughs at himself, shaking his head and taking a drag from his smoke.
"Thank you." He takes the coffee with a smile and a nod and waits for it to cool. --Hah, don't bother keeping the cigarettes away from him; he pulls out a pack of his own and takes one out with his teeth. Kools. At an educated guess, he's about to shock his host with his (relatively) cheap, foul cigarettes.
"You say that..." Adam cocks his head and gives him an assessing look as he fishes out his lighter. "But you say that as a man with five fully furnished houses full of stuff. Unless it's a different kind of stuff you're talking about."
"No problem." Leo only judges a little bit but it doesn't stop him from reaching across and plucking the cigarette and packet from Adam's hand. It might be bold, but he's never been much to be bothered by whether or not people think he's too bold. He then offers his own packet.
"I have four fully furnished houses. And one of them is probably more of a cottage. I also own a lot of cars and books. But other than those things and alcohol, I'm not much into material things." Leo smiles. "By the way, if you ever want a holiday, you and your boyfriend are welcome to stay in my house by the beach."
Honestly? He's much more confused than worried about boldness. "Do you...not want me to smoke?" he's testing the waters a little bit. But the guy's also holding out a different pack...so he reaches out slow and hesitantly takes them as if he's not sure that it's the thing he wants him to do? Even if he's offering?
"Okay." Just...letting the whole material things discussion pass. They're just things after all. He gets a surprised, delighted grin. "Thanks. I...don't know if I'm ever going to have the time to take you up on that, but thanks. It's much appreciated. ...You'd like Ben, I think. He's a pretty heavy reader too." Mostly what Adam's been reading lately is directly school related, so...yeah, not much fun.
"I don't think anyone should smoke. It kills you, you know?" But the packet is definitely on offer and he shakes one out a little bit further when Adam hesitates to take one. "Mine smell better."
Leo pushes off the counter, grabs his glass and leads the way back out of the kitchen and into the living area, indicating for Adam to follow. "That's why you make time. If it ever comes up, I'd like to meet him." For a man of Leo's bulk, he's able to drop down onto his couch with a surprising amount of grace, not even a single drop of scotch sloshing over the side of the glass. "Make yourself comfortable."
He actually looks a little guilty at that...and then laughs when he says they smell better. "Don't like menthols, huh?" he says, as he takes one with less hesitation. He gets up to follow.
"Okay, sure." He starts trying to plan something nice so they can meet, then. "Double date or something? You never really told me about yours..." He sits down carefully on the other side of the couch, mind already ticking over about the conversation they're planning to have."
"Told you about my what? Travis?" Reaching for the bag of tacos, Leo peaks in and hands it over to Adam because he has no idea what's what or which belongs to who. "I'm going to be honest. I've never been on a double date. I have no idea what you even do on a double date."
He grins wide. "Yes. Yes you were." Before stashing his (new) cigarette behind his ear for a second and rummages through the bag. They're both pretty similar; beef tacos with lettuce and tomato. One has chipotle sauce and one does not, he lets Leo decide which one he wants. "Considering that's the first time you've told me his name, yeah. And...go out to eat tacos, maybe? What's he like to do?"
"I'm not even ashamed." He even looks kinda smug about it. Leo takes the one without chipotle and puts his drink down on the coffee table so he has both hands to unwrap it. "I haven't mentioned his name? I'm sure I mentioned his name. Huh. Well, now you know. He's definitely my better half. Even if I still can't get him to wear shoes for the most part and he makes me talk about my feelings and spend time sober."
"Yeah, well." He grins. He's going to like Travis, he thinks, if they ever meet. "Some people need someone like that." He unwraps his own taco--yes, he got the one with chipotle! Today's a good day.
There's a ridiculous smile that comes to Leo's face as he talks about Travis and it's overly apparent just how much Leo loves the other man. "He's incredibly good to me. For me. He's... working at the moment, it's why he isn't here." He takes a bite of his taco; definitely worth it.
Awww. Yes. Definitely apparent. He grins, knowing and understanding the feeling quite well himself. "He sounds like a real good guy. I hope I get to meet him sometime." He settles in a little bit better, finding a place to set down his coffee, and he takes a bite. Yes. Very good taco.
"He's the best." And is that pride? It sounds like pride. It looks like pride. Leo is definitely proud. "I'm sure you will. He'd have to be there for a double date, right? I think that's how it works." He smirks, brow raised. "Thanks for the taco, by the way."
"Yeah, he would, but I can't help but notice that you never actually agreed to it before now..." He grins, shakes his head, and salutes with the taco. "Least I can do. Sorry again about the dishwasher. I was pretty drunk. So." He sounds softer at the last, and he shifts his leg up under him on the couch. "Contract killer, huh?" He's not sure how the conversation's going to go, but he's here for it.
"I'd have to talk to Travis about it first. But I can't see why not. However, I'm choose the restaurant. Don't worry about the cost, because I know you'll think of it." He shrugs. "Don't worry about the dishwasher either. It's been dealt with."
Leo actually laughs out loud at that. "Yeah. Contract killer. Ask whatever you want."
In the sense that he actually has to worry about money, yeah he'd worry, but he nods slow, trusting Leo. And...then he grins. He takes a sip of his coffee and then settles a little differently in his chair to look at him. "How is that even a path you end up on?" As if the very idea is unfathomable to him.
Laughing again, Leo also shifts in his chair to look at Adam. "I always liked to fight, I was good at it and even though I was always shorter than everyone else, I had the bulk to make up the difference." He reaches for his pack of smokes, lighting one up and offering the packet to Adam. "I got into cage fighting and I was good. I was better than good. And then one night I just... lost it. Killed my opponent with my bare hands. I don't even remember most of it."
He exhales slowly, relaxing back in his seat and crossing his ankles, feet on the coffee table. "I was approached by someone who offered me a job in favour of the jail time I was facing for murder. I accepted. Been doing it ever since."
"Okay, I mean...wow." He breathes a laugh when Leo offers the cigarette, shakes his head at himself, and takes the unlit one he forgot about from behind his ear. Actually lights it this time. Breathes it in and releases it in a long breath through his nose. He's not used to...not-menthol, but it's good.
"I just..." He scratches his nose and looks at Leo a little sheepishly. "I got into a fight at school. Once. I was in fifth grade, I hit a kid, and spent like half an hour sitting there with him, apologizing and trying to get his nose to stop bleeding. And I felt so bad afterwards that I told the school nurse my stomach hurt so I could go home. That is the one fight I ever got myself into. And...I'm having trouble bridging the gap from my side of it to yours, I guess." He takes another drag, thinking. "What makes you want to fight like that?"
"I'm picturing a smaller version of you in a fight. You look the same, just kid sized. It's kind of amusing, to be honest." Leo takes a deep drag off his cigarette, thinking over the words he's abotto say next. This could be the difference between whether or not they continue communicating in any way and, despite the obvious differences, Leo likes he kid, enjoys the conversation. He likes having someone that isn't related to Grimm to talk to. Of course, he always has Travis, but Travis is a different story.
"According to the psych evaluation, I show symptoms of being both a sociopath and a psychopath. I have issues with anger control and tend to use rage as an outlet for feelings I'm unable to comprehend or express in a healthy manner. I apparently also display both sadistic and masochistic behavior. Basically, they think I'm violently crazy. Mostly I just like the adrenaline high from the fight." Taking anothing bite of his taco, Leo looks Adam square in the eye. "If you to be done with me, I'll understand. No hard feelings. It's a lot to deal with."
He laughs at the idea of what he thinks he must've looked like...and then sobers quickly, taking it all in. Then looks him in the eye drawing in on his cigarette one more time and releasing it. "Okay." He's not giving away much of what he's thinking right now. "That's certainly a diagnosis." He takes yet another drag; buying himself more time for thought. "I also notice that's a lot of what they think. What do you think?"
"Honestly?" He shrugs, finishing off his taco and dropping the wrapper back into the bag and reaching for his drink. "I think they're right about the psychopathic tendencies. I think they're right about the fact that I'm emotionally stunted, but emotions outside of fear and anger weren't something we expressed in my family home. I'm working on it. Mostly, I think I'm a man who likes hurting people and I'm not fussy about who that is. In fact, I kinda get off on it. Travis is the only exception to the rule."
He turns, then, to stub out his cigarette butt, and this is what goes through his head: How seriously to take this. How literally. Whether he is okay with this. Wondering, suddenly, about Leo's cheery profession of disinterest in material things while standing in his giant house full of material things--could he have been seeing what it took to get Adam to believe him instead of his own eyes? Or taking the cigarette out of his hands and replacing it with his own. He said it was because he didn't like menthol--no, Adam assumed it was because he didn't like menthol, and Leo went along with it. Why, then? Memories of Lucifer. Lots and lots of memories of Lucifer, actually, and he freezes for a very long minute halfway through rubbing his butt in the ashtray, frozen perfectly still, fighting to bring himself back to the present and to breathe, fucking BREATHE. When he finally gets his airway open again, he turns back.
"Okay. I'm--" His voice cracks, and he shuts his eyes, cursing himself internally. He takes a deep breath, orders himself, and tries again.
"Okay. I'm gonna take everything you've said at face value." He runs his hand through his hair and looks Leo straight in the eyes, now, voice reflecting nothing but calm. "Which is a pretty big assumption for somebody who says they've been officially diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, but I think as a friend you've earned the benefit of the doubt." Adam had a year in college before he was killed, and an Intro to Psych course was definitely in there--he'd heard the term before. And yes, he did just say friend.
"And I'm going to be totally honest with you in return." Looking and sounding intensely serious. "Someone who pulled you away from jail time and possibly a psych ward in order for you to kill for them? They're enabling your illness in order to use you, and I hope you realize that." He clasps his hands together with his index fingers pointed down, like he's pointing to something on the coffee table--he's not--and looks him straight in the eye.
"You want me to say I'm okay with that. --Okay, maybe you just want to know if I am. Either way." He brings his hands back to himself, clasped loosely, elbows resting on his knees. "I'm your friend, Leo. That's not going to change, I'll tell you that right now."
He shifts a little in his chair. "But as your friend, I'm going to tell you the full truth, and to do that, I'm not going to answer as your friend.
"Is it okay? Is it okay to continue to violently hurt other people for whatever reason, but in particular your stated reason as an outlet for your feelings; to make yourself feel better? Is that okay?
"I answer that question as a victim of rape and torture and abuse: no, that is not okay."
Leo is quiet for a long time. Long enough that he finishes his smoke and lights another one. There's a lot to take in and he knows he should be focusing on the rest of it -especially the part about Grimm and how they're enabling Leo- but there's a white hot flash of anger that flares through him at Adam's last words and it's enough that Leo stands and leaves the room.
When he's in the kitchen, he pours himself another drink and finishes it in one swallow, immediately pouring himself another one. He breathes through the anger because it's very apparent that it'll get him nowhere right now and he doesn't want Adam to think he's mad at him when it isn't like that at all.
Once he's calmed down enough, he takes his drink and the cigarette butt that he's been holding onto and returns to the lounge.
"Sorry." He drops back onto the couch, cigarette butt dropping into the ashtray and sipping at his scotch. "Turns out, I care about you a bit more than I realised. I'm still learning how to identify different emotions for what they are. I just needed a minute to get my head in order."
Leo's quiet for another long moment. "I work for a horrible organisation that pays me to do terrible things to awful people. I enjoy that work. I know that what I do isn't okay, not by any moral standards. And I also know that how I deal with things isn't healthy. Knowing that won't change anything because the fact remains that I enjoy what I do. The fighting, at least. Truthfully, I feel nothing about the killing and I'm aware of what that says about me." He takes another sip of his drink. "I don't expect you to be okay with what I do. We don't ever have to speak about it again. But if you ask, I will always tell you the truth even if it's a truth you're not going to like. Whether we talk about it or not, this is what I do and I'm not changing that any time soon. That is the part you'll need to be okay with, if this friendship has any chance of working."
There's another beat and his voice has a gentle note that doesn't come out very often; mostly only around Travis or Juliette. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at the people who hurt you. That's why I had to leave the room. I thought you should know that."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clichecodename) wrote2020-12-29 11:20 am
no subject
"How do you have it? Sugar, milk?"
Turning around, Leo nods. "Yeah, first house. I have four. The others don't look like this. They're much more reasonable."
no subject
no subject
"If by something you mean 'incredibly wealthy man with absolutely no interest in stuff' then yeah. I'm something." Leo laughs at himself, shaking his head and taking a drag from his smoke.
no subject
"You say that..." Adam cocks his head and gives him an assessing look as he fishes out his lighter. "But you say that as a man with five fully furnished houses full of stuff. Unless it's a different kind of stuff you're talking about."
no subject
"I have four fully furnished houses. And one of them is probably more of a cottage. I also own a lot of cars and books. But other than those things and alcohol, I'm not much into material things." Leo smiles. "By the way, if you ever want a holiday, you and your boyfriend are welcome to stay in my house by the beach."
no subject
"Okay." Just...letting the whole material things discussion pass. They're just things after all. He gets a surprised, delighted grin. "Thanks. I...don't know if I'm ever going to have the time to take you up on that, but thanks. It's much appreciated. ...You'd like Ben, I think. He's a pretty heavy reader too." Mostly what Adam's been reading lately is directly school related, so...yeah, not much fun.
no subject
Leo pushes off the counter, grabs his glass and leads the way back out of the kitchen and into the living area, indicating for Adam to follow. "That's why you make time. If it ever comes up, I'd like to meet him." For a man of Leo's bulk, he's able to drop down onto his couch with a surprising amount of grace, not even a single drop of scotch sloshing over the side of the glass. "Make yourself comfortable."
no subject
"Okay, sure." He starts trying to plan something nice so they can meet, then. "Double date or something? You never really told me about yours..." He sits down carefully on the other side of the couch, mind already ticking over about the conversation they're planning to have."
no subject
"Told you about my what? Travis?" Reaching for the bag of tacos, Leo peaks in and hands it over to Adam because he has no idea what's what or which belongs to who. "I'm going to be honest. I've never been on a double date. I have no idea what you even do on a double date."
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Leo actually laughs out loud at that. "Yeah. Contract killer. Ask whatever you want."
no subject
no subject
He exhales slowly, relaxing back in his seat and crossing his ankles, feet on the coffee table. "I was approached by someone who offered me a job in favour of the jail time I was facing for murder. I accepted. Been doing it ever since."
no subject
"I just..." He scratches his nose and looks at Leo a little sheepishly. "I got into a fight at school. Once. I was in fifth grade, I hit a kid, and spent like half an hour sitting there with him, apologizing and trying to get his nose to stop bleeding. And I felt so bad afterwards that I told the school nurse my stomach hurt so I could go home. That is the one fight I ever got myself into. And...I'm having trouble bridging the gap from my side of it to yours, I guess." He takes another drag, thinking. "What makes you want to fight like that?"
no subject
"According to the psych evaluation, I show symptoms of being both a sociopath and a psychopath. I have issues with anger control and tend to use rage as an outlet for feelings I'm unable to comprehend or express in a healthy manner. I apparently also display both sadistic and masochistic behavior. Basically, they think I'm violently crazy. Mostly I just like the adrenaline high from the fight." Taking anothing bite of his taco, Leo looks Adam square in the eye. "If you to be done with me, I'll understand. No hard feelings. It's a lot to deal with."
no subject
no subject
Leo sighs. "Are you okay with that?"
no subject
"Okay. I'm--" His voice cracks, and he shuts his eyes, cursing himself internally. He takes a deep breath, orders himself, and tries again.
"Okay. I'm gonna take everything you've said at face value." He runs his hand through his hair and looks Leo straight in the eyes, now, voice reflecting nothing but calm. "Which is a pretty big assumption for somebody who says they've been officially diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, but I think as a friend you've earned the benefit of the doubt." Adam had a year in college before he was killed, and an Intro to Psych course was definitely in there--he'd heard the term before. And yes, he did just say friend.
"And I'm going to be totally honest with you in return." Looking and sounding intensely serious. "Someone who pulled you away from jail time and possibly a psych ward in order for you to kill for them? They're enabling your illness in order to use you, and I hope you realize that." He clasps his hands together with his index fingers pointed down, like he's pointing to something on the coffee table--he's not--and looks him straight in the eye.
"You want me to say I'm okay with that. --Okay, maybe you just want to know if I am. Either way." He brings his hands back to himself, clasped loosely, elbows resting on his knees. "I'm your friend, Leo. That's not going to change, I'll tell you that right now."
He shifts a little in his chair. "But as your friend, I'm going to tell you the full truth, and to do that, I'm not going to answer as your friend.
"Is it okay? Is it okay to continue to violently hurt other people for whatever reason, but in particular your stated reason as an outlet for your feelings; to make yourself feel better? Is that okay?
"I answer that question as a victim of rape and torture and abuse: no, that is not okay."
no subject
When he's in the kitchen, he pours himself another drink and finishes it in one swallow, immediately pouring himself another one. He breathes through the anger because it's very apparent that it'll get him nowhere right now and he doesn't want Adam to think he's mad at him when it isn't like that at all.
Once he's calmed down enough, he takes his drink and the cigarette butt that he's been holding onto and returns to the lounge.
"Sorry." He drops back onto the couch, cigarette butt dropping into the ashtray and sipping at his scotch. "Turns out, I care about you a bit more than I realised. I'm still learning how to identify different emotions for what they are. I just needed a minute to get my head in order."
Leo's quiet for another long moment. "I work for a horrible organisation that pays me to do terrible things to awful people. I enjoy that work. I know that what I do isn't okay, not by any moral standards. And I also know that how I deal with things isn't healthy. Knowing that won't change anything because the fact remains that I enjoy what I do. The fighting, at least. Truthfully, I feel nothing about the killing and I'm aware of what that says about me." He takes another sip of his drink. "I don't expect you to be okay with what I do. We don't ever have to speak about it again. But if you ask, I will always tell you the truth even if it's a truth you're not going to like. Whether we talk about it or not, this is what I do and I'm not changing that any time soon. That is the part you'll need to be okay with, if this friendship has any chance of working."
There's another beat and his voice has a gentle note that doesn't come out very often; mostly only around Travis or Juliette. "I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at the people who hurt you. That's why I had to leave the room. I thought you should know that."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
sorry! I meant to tag yesterday but twd distracted me
No worries! If you disappeared for a week, I might check & see if you're ok, but otherwise np XD
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
I have NO idea where the day went.
Always the way haha
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
Hi, you! :)
Hello! I'm just about to head to bed but I figured I could get a tag in first!
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
Sorry this took so long. I haven't even logged Leo in in ages!
Oh my god, how did five months go by.